Define Satire...

[Ryan]

Ok so we all know Drull from our message board community is a nut job. No question about it. The guy just makes me laugh though. A few months ago Drull wrote an "interview with Damian". This work of satire is comedy at its best. I decided in light of the recent events it was front page worthy:

Originally Posted by Drull

- What exactly made you (magic hat software, as a team) decided to make your own game?

Well we first thought of the idea whilst working on Sphere UO server emulator. We
had been working on this for quite some time, and the desire to make our own game
was always there in the back of our minds. At the time, Sphere was the best
UO emulator out there, and hence we didn't need to do anything more to prove
how elite we were. But during the end of 2002, Ryan and their team came along
with RunUO and humiliated us. That is when we knew we would have to do something
different to prove that we were better than them, even if we did concede defeat in the UO scene.

- What, in your opinion, qualifies you to create and maintain your own game?

Well I have lawyers on retainer, that somewhat makes me out to be a professional.
We also knew from our time with Sphere that you didn't need a solid OR reliable
product to get people to use it. In fact, we realized quite early on that we would be able
to re-use most of the Sphere code as is, without needing any changes, and for whatever
doesn't work, we can always just plagiarize some open-source code and deny it all. We realized
at this point that we were perfectly qualified to rip off, uh, create a game. That,
along with shouting the word "professional", and overusing the word "commercial", will
enable us to keep up the facade. Also, we have plans to remove all the spelling
mistakes from our website, which too, will help us keep up the professional image.
(See! just like that!)

- What do you on a daily basis? Describe a typical day

Well basically at IRTH HQ, us managers just sit around on IRC all day and laugh
at all the people who are playing our beta. You see its a pile of crap, and we have
an absolutely ridiculous NDA with our beta testers to stop them ruining our
cred so early on. Aside from that, i like to threaten all our employees with
lawsuits, and act like a child. We also have a tax fraud department where we
have accountants working day and night trying to conceal our income as "donations".
Lets not forget the art department, who just download models from the internet and
apply matt shading for the characters in our game. And finally, our programmers
who just play UO on RunUO shards highly recommend UO:Rebirth. Also, I think its important
that i mention all our employees are Mexican.

- What has been your favorite part of Irth Online to work on and why

Hmmm.. that's a good question. I would have to say research and planning. There's a wealth of freely
available public information on strategies, content and ideas. In fact, most if not all our concept design
was done over about 6 hours on a Sunday, many months ago. A little insight for anyone planning to get
into the market. Just log-in to trial accounts on other games, and you're set! Grab a pen and paper, a drink
and just jot everything down you see. It really speeds things up if you use shortcuts as well. If something takes
25 steps to do, widdle it down so it takes 2 or 3, and viola! Example. In most games, you require different keys
to walk in different directions. We've found, pressing W to make you levitate all over the place really saves
time and effort, for developer and player alike. Why bother pressing ASDWESES to get somewhere? Just hold W and go.
Simple.

- What new innovations and original quirks can we see in Irth Online, in an already saturated MMORPG market?

That's an easy question! Players will be able to train a number of skills, such as archery or magery. You
will be able to actually place a house on the map, and use it to store items and train your characters. We
plan to develop tools you can purchase for a nominal fee, that will aid in this process while you're asleep
or away from home! There will be dungeons filled with monsters, city's with guards, bank's, boat's, and so on.
If you ever find yourself in a bind, you might want to check out our in-game help feature. With 6 easy clicks,
you'll be whisked away to the city you start in (Brittin), safe and sound. If by chance you enjoy crafting
and putting your fame on the line as a merchant, you can actually craft your own items! Chairs, writing desks,
wooden shields and even weapons, for Swordsmanship, fencing and mace fighting. Its really revolutionary.

- Will there be a monthly fee to Irth Online? If so, what will we see in terms of on-going development?

Yes, there will be a monthly fee to experiance the world of Irth Online. We don't know how much at this time. The
fee will pay for things such as co-location, advertising and funding court cases. After our initial release, you
will be able to pay for in-game services to make your life a little easier. Our "Preferred Player" system will
allow you to purchase such things as access to an interface that almost works properly, but not quite. Imagine if
we added control and full maneuverability to the game? Everyone would be running around killing each other and mobs.
Just doesn't seem viable to us at this time. You will also be able to purchase crash credits (if someone if harassing
you, just crash their client and jump in a gate to somewhere else). Passwords to other peoples accounts will also be
available for a fee of 75.00 dollars USD each.

- Are you worried that big companies like EA will try to buy you out?

No! in fact, we're hoping for such a thing. Working on Irth is just the first step into getting a real job, with
a real company. Hopefully someone from the industry will see our work, and contact us (support@magichatsoftware.com)
for opportunities to developer other games. If anyone is reading this who is interested, we will completely drop Irth
to work on your game. Contact us. If anyone does with a bogus offer, or if you do contact us and seriously expect
us to do work which result in something enjoyable, we will sue you. If you contact us without contacting us first,
we will sue you. If we sue you, we will sue you for something or other. Be warned, we are professionals.

- Like Ultima Online's Character transfer services, and pre-made characters, what 'boosts' do you offer players?

Like I touched on above, you can purchase a multitude of things in Irth. Everything from text speech color, to getting someone
else banned for (inset reason here), to access to forums to getting access to in-game support will be available for purchase.
Once in a while, we will setup in-game events, such as raids, where you will be able to outright purchase the rewards from
actually completing the event. Further more, access to an email that we really do read will be buyable for a one time fee.
However we will offer no game support, website queries, requests, information, pictures, ideas, complaints or discussion
at this email. Praise is welcome. Also, please send all non-game related donations to this contact. If you do not donate,
our servers will not exist. It's just that simple.

- Who is the brains behind the whole operation, really?

Myself, Damian. Of course. Most people don't know this, but I'm actually behind the entire genre of MMORPG games.
A few years back I came up with the whole thing. Emulation? my idea. I've got behind-the-scenes ties to pretty much
every development company, emulation teams and most if not all hosting companies. I have access to everything available
on the "internet", and I can rip a phonebook in half with my eyes closed. Yep, you heard it here first folks. Sphere was
just a "Front" for myself and my team, back since 97 or something. I don't remember when we started, because frankly I don't
care. I also came up with the idea for physics and mathematics. If you doubt me, put it in print so I can sue you. As far as
Irth Online goes, I would like to thank other companies such as EA, Wish, Is RunUO a company? them too. Everyone who's ever
put out a game in the past, thank you for your support and content ideas.

- What expansions are you planning for future releases?

With the coming release of Irth Online, we expect the MMORPG market to explode into the mainstream. Thus
we are happy to already announce not one, not two, but an unprecedented fourteen different expansions! A move clearly
unheard of in today's market. More than half of our three employees have already started development on them,
and we hope to see the first expansion, entitled "Weight bugs second coming", released ten days after our initial launch.
It will include such mind blowing game additions and features, I can't possibly list them all here. Such things as
being able to walk around in mid-air, crash other players on screen and scan your hard drive for other installed
games, so you can rip their music right into Irth! Of course if you do so, we will sue you for copyright infringement.
Look for more news on this in the coming weeks!

Gotta love it... I mean this is just purely hilarious!

Disclaimer: The content of this post is in no way fact, it is purely fiction and is meant for comedic value. The content of this post was done without input from Magic Hat Software or Damian himself.

Thanks,
Ryan

[etherkye]

i take it your rrrreeeaaallly upset over this.

[BeneathTheStars]

Lmao, Nice work.

[CEO]

Damn that's funny.

[ZaSz-RH]

Haha really funny

[Viago]

lol there needs to be an award for drull!!


gotta love ryan, using anyway he can to play the neutralist agenst Damian. hehe pour that salt on his wound BABEY!!!

[Broadside]

LMAO Holy crap Drull you musta wrote that down a few times to get it right. Shard goes down fer a bit and he gets creative. I luv it.

[Viago]

i think we all need to pitch in and pay a hooker for drull...lol

[BeneathTheStars]

Ehh i'm low on money, so we'll go with one of thoose "woman" hookers..

[Joeku]

Lol! The cool part is that I remember Drull's original post on that!

Hey, what about a hooker for Joeku...?

[NazguLL]

11th!!

[bzk90]

Originally Posted by Joeku

Lol! The cool part is that I remember Drull's original post on that!

Hey, what about a hooker for Joeku...?

same, and yes its funny twice ;/

im sure we have a female runuo member willing to play "escort" for the night

[bzk90]

[quoute]

Disclaimer: The content of this post is in no way fact, it is purely fiction and is meant for comedic value. The content of this post was done without input from Magic Hat Software or Damian himself.

Thanks,
Ryan[/quote]

take it your trying to avoid damians lawyers? i bet they are eying this forum like hawks

[Joeku]

Originally Posted by bzk90

same, and yes its funny twice ;/

im sure we have a female runuo member willing to play "escort" for the night

*eyes shift to Alis*

[bzk90]

the point of getting somone from the community is to be cheap, ever see how much a plane ticket costs from **** (shes from turkey right?)

[milt]

Thanks for the laugh, I thought I was gonna die IRL while reading this.

[Joeku]

Originally Posted by bzk90

the point of getting somone from the community is to be cheap, ever see how much a plane ticket costs from **** (shes from turkey right?)

I'd pay that much to get Alis over to my house... lol

[KingSmidgens]

that's so funny it's hard to believe it's not a real interview. I always say the truth is funnier than fiction, but, I think if that was 100% true, it would be borderline sad, sorta like laughing at someone elses blatant incompetence. A+

[kethoth]

lol sad thing is that's probably exactly how the interview would go...DRULL FOR CNN FIELD JOURNALIST!

[Saben]

Just like to say that Sphere owns RunUO, and the only good thing to ever
come out of RunUO is Razor.

Sphere may have it's bugs, but it also has a style of UO that is 50000x more
fun to play than the pre-casting bullshit that you see on RunUO shards...
All you guys are roleplay newbs who can't use LOS PvP to save thier lives...
I'll give you a hint, you guys are better at RunUO PvP simply because Sphere
PvP requires more skill. Simple.

So sit here on your forums and spend your day making up longass bullshit
stories about Sphere, in the end, it's still a better emulator. The only reason
that shards these days are 8/10 RunUO is because most players are newbs
who will flock to gay AOS shards rather then a Sphere shard that requires
some actual skill...

Any one of you get on a sphere shard and I'll mop the floor with u, thanks.3


Normally I don't get involved in things like this, I keep my opionions to myself.
Games is like anything, to each his own. But when I see you guys here bashing
sphere like a bunch of stuck up pricks.... who do you think you are?

To each his own.... play your RunUO crap and don't even bother with Sphere,
it has nothing to do with you.

[TMSTKSBK]

//giggles uncontrollably. obtenez une vie, svp...

[milt]

Woah puppy, did you read the disclaimer?

[HellRazor]

Originally Posted by Saben

Just like to say that Sphere owns RunUO, and the only good thing to ever
come out of RunUO is Razor.

Sphere may have it's bugs, but it also has a style of UO that is 50000x more
fun to play than the pre-casting bullshit that you see on RunUO shards...
All you guys are roleplay newbs who can't use LOS PvP to save thier lives...
I'll give you a hint, you guys are better at RunUO PvP simply because Sphere
PvP requires more skill. Simple.

So sit here on your forums and spend your day making up longass bullshit
stories about Sphere, in the end, it's still a better emulator. The only reason
that shards these days are 8/10 RunUO is because most players are newbs
who will flock to gay AOS shards rather then a Sphere shard that requires
some actual skill...

Any one of you get on a sphere shard and I'll mop the floor with u, thanks.3


Normally I don't get involved in things like this, I keep my opionions to myself.
Games is like anything, to each his own. But when I see you guys here bashing
sphere like a bunch of stuck up pricks.... who do you think you are?

To each his own.... play your RunUO crap and don't even bother with Sphere,
it has nothing to do with you.

LOL! This is satire too, right?

[DontdroptheSOAD]

It made me laugh.

[milt]

Originally Posted by Saben

Just like to say that Sphere owns RunUO, and the only good thing to ever
come out of RunUO is Razor.

Sphere may have it's bugs, but it also has a style of UO that is 50000x more
fun to play than the pre-casting bullshit that you see on RunUO shards...
All you guys are roleplay newbs who can't use LOS PvP to save thier lives...
I'll give you a hint, you guys are better at RunUO PvP simply because Sphere
PvP requires more skill. Simple.

You can't try to flame people based on your opinions.

Originally Posted by Saben

All you guys are roleplay newbs who can't use LOS PvP to save thier lives...

Just please... stfu while you are at it.