Hey Doc, been meaning to reply here... but wanted as well to see if this was serious or just some fun.
Anyways, I cant begin to imagine the darkness you had been going through. I had a brother die when I was younger and i ruined me for several years, cant/dont want to imagine what if's about my wife of now 12+ years.
Seems you are strating to get a handle on things again though, and really shows your strength man, seriously. So, even though I am just a nobody to you, I want to just throw out there, I apologize for anything I may have said to offend you in the past months, honestly. Your a good person, and have been showing that more and more every day I see your posts here and over at ServUO.
If theres anything you need man, we are here for you.
One day at a time bro, its all you can do