Language
The Czech language Czeckers, also known as
čeština, is one of the most interesting languages in Europe. 70% vowel-free, Czeckers is one of the few languages of the world that are largely unpronounceable even by native speakers. One sound in particular,
ř, depicted as an
r with menacing eyebrows, can be pronounced only with the assistance of extensive
tongue piercings. The first president of the Czech Republic called for a ban on this sound, citing human rights concerns, but was accused of being a Slovak sympathizer and defenestrated by an angry mob.
The Czech Republic has long been one of the most
vowel-impoverished countries in the world. Approximately ten million Czechs suffer from vowel deficiencies. The difficulty of pronouncing typical sentences such as "Strč prst skrz krk" ("Good morning") has caused the proliferation of jaw strain, tooth problems,
insanity, and
alcoholism in many Czechs. The roots of this problem go back for centuries; it seems that many years ago the Czech nation was robbed of their vowels by a combined force of
Finns and
Hawaiians. Czech diplomats are working to correct this ancient crime, and the first shipments of foreign vowels are due to arrive in the country shortly.
This extremely difficult language was developed in late 8th century AD as a secret code (cipher) to confuse foreign troops passing by. No-one is able to speak it properly, and every foreigner who starts to get into studying this suffers by headache and tongue-ache. The letter "Ř" is pretty special, and whoever can pronounce it, is considered to have Czech nationality. It is actualy the only test they give you if you ask for Czech nationality - you get a sheet with a sequence of Ř-words, which are far worse than f-words or tooth in czeck, which you have to read and which sometimes form a sinvoll sentence : "třitisícetřistatřiatřicettři stříbrných křepelek přeletělo přes třitisícetřistatřiatřicettři stříbrných střech"; on the other hand, pronounciation of Czech "r" is much simpler and almost anybody can read "strč prst skrz krk".
As mentioned before, vowels are used very seldom in Czech, some examples of typical Czech vowel-less sentences are "smrž pln skvrn zvlhl z mlh", "plch zdrhl skrz drn, prv zhltl hrst zrn" or "chrt pln skvrn vtrh skrz trs chrp v čtvrť Krč".
A generally well known fact is, that the hottest candidate proposed for electing the new Pope was Czech cardinal Miloslav Vlk (in English: Wolf), he failed to be elected by the College of Cardinals meeting in Conclave for the only one simple obstacle, nobody was able to pronounce his name.
Czech people's famous crude and agains-rules way of playing Ice-hockey gave nicknames for violent strikes in the game as for example "body-Czech", "cross-Czeching" or "Czeching from behind".
