Define Satire...
Ok so we all know Drull from our message board community is a nut job. No question about it. The guy just makes me laugh though. A few months ago Drull wrote an "interview with Damian". This work of satire is comedy at its best. I decided in light of the recent events it was front page worthy:
Gotta love it... I mean this is just purely hilarious!
Disclaimer: The content of this post is in no way fact, it is purely fiction and is meant for comedic value. The content of this post was done without input from Magic Hat Software or Damian himself.
Thanks,
Ryan
Ok so we all know Drull from our message board community is a nut job. No question about it. The guy just makes me laugh though. A few months ago Drull wrote an "interview with Damian". This work of satire is comedy at its best. I decided in light of the recent events it was front page worthy:
Drull said:- What exactly made you (magic hat software, as a team) decided to make your own game?
Well we first thought of the idea whilst working on Sphere UO server emulator. We
had been working on this for quite some time, and the desire to make our own game
was always there in the back of our minds. At the time, Sphere was the best
UO emulator out there, and hence we didn't need to do anything more to prove
how elite we were. But during the end of 2002, Ryan and their team came along
with RunUO and humiliated us. That is when we knew we would have to do something
different to prove that we were better than them, even if we did concede defeat in the UO scene.
- What, in your opinion, qualifies you to create and maintain your own game?
Well I have lawyers on retainer, that somewhat makes me out to be a professional.
We also knew from our time with Sphere that you didn't need a solid OR reliable
product to get people to use it. In fact, we realized quite early on that we would be able
to re-use most of the Sphere code as is, without needing any changes, and for whatever
doesn't work, we can always just plagiarize some open-source code and deny it all. We realized
at this point that we were perfectly qualified to rip off, uh, create a game. That,
along with shouting the word "professional", and overusing the word "commercial", will
enable us to keep up the facade. Also, we have plans to remove all the spelling
mistakes from our website, which too, will help us keep up the professional image.
(See! just like that!)
- What do you on a daily basis? Describe a typical day
Well basically at IRTH HQ, us managers just sit around on IRC all day and laugh
at all the people who are playing our beta. You see its a pile of crap, and we have
an absolutely ridiculous NDA with our beta testers to stop them ruining our
cred so early on. Aside from that, i like to threaten all our employees with
lawsuits, and act like a child. We also have a tax fraud department where we
have accountants working day and night trying to conceal our income as "donations".
Lets not forget the art department, who just download models from the internet and
apply matt shading for the characters in our game. And finally, our programmers
who just play UO on RunUO shards highly recommend UO:Rebirth. Also, I think its important
that i mention all our employees are Mexican.
- What has been your favorite part of Irth Online to work on and why
Hmmm.. that's a good question. I would have to say research and planning. There's a wealth of freely
available public information on strategies, content and ideas. In fact, most if not all our concept design
was done over about 6 hours on a Sunday, many months ago. A little insight for anyone planning to get
into the market. Just log-in to trial accounts on other games, and you're set! Grab a pen and paper, a drink
and just jot everything down you see. It really speeds things up if you use shortcuts as well. If something takes
25 steps to do, widdle it down so it takes 2 or 3, and viola! Example. In most games, you require different keys
to walk in different directions. We've found, pressing W to make you levitate all over the place really saves
time and effort, for developer and player alike. Why bother pressing ASDWESES to get somewhere? Just hold W and go.
Simple.
- What new innovations and original quirks can we see in Irth Online, in an already saturated MMORPG market?
That's an easy question! Players will be able to train a number of skills, such as archery or magery. You
will be able to actually place a house on the map, and use it to store items and train your characters. We
plan to develop tools you can purchase for a nominal fee, that will aid in this process while you're asleep
or away from home! There will be dungeons filled with monsters, city's with guards, bank's, boat's, and so on.
If you ever find yourself in a bind, you might want to check out our in-game help feature. With 6 easy clicks,
you'll be whisked away to the city you start in (Brittin), safe and sound. If by chance you enjoy crafting
and putting your fame on the line as a merchant, you can actually craft your own items! Chairs, writing desks,
wooden shields and even weapons, for Swordsmanship, fencing and mace fighting. Its really revolutionary.
- Will there be a monthly fee to Irth Online? If so, what will we see in terms of on-going development?
Yes, there will be a monthly fee to experiance the world of Irth Online. We don't know how much at this time. The
fee will pay for things such as co-location, advertising and funding court cases. After our initial release, you
will be able to pay for in-game services to make your life a little easier. Our "Preferred Player" system will
allow you to purchase such things as access to an interface that almost works properly, but not quite. Imagine if
we added control and full maneuverability to the game? Everyone would be running around killing each other and mobs.
Just doesn't seem viable to us at this time. You will also be able to purchase crash credits (if someone if harassing
you, just crash their client and jump in a gate to somewhere else). Passwords to other peoples accounts will also be
available for a fee of 75.00 dollars USD each.
- Are you worried that big companies like EA will try to buy you out?
No! in fact, we're hoping for such a thing. Working on Irth is just the first step into getting a real job, with
a real company. Hopefully someone from the industry will see our work, and contact us ([email protected])
for opportunities to developer other games. If anyone is reading this who is interested, we will completely drop Irth
to work on your game. Contact us. If anyone does with a bogus offer, or if you do contact us and seriously expect
us to do work which result in something enjoyable, we will sue you. If you contact us without contacting us first,
we will sue you. If we sue you, we will sue you for something or other. Be warned, we are professionals.
- Like Ultima Online's Character transfer services, and pre-made characters, what 'boosts' do you offer players?
Like I touched on above, you can purchase a multitude of things in Irth. Everything from text speech color, to getting someone
else banned for (inset reason here), to access to forums to getting access to in-game support will be available for purchase.
Once in a while, we will setup in-game events, such as raids, where you will be able to outright purchase the rewards from
actually completing the event. Further more, access to an email that we really do read will be buyable for a one time fee.
However we will offer no game support, website queries, requests, information, pictures, ideas, complaints or discussion
at this email. Praise is welcome. Also, please send all non-game related donations to this contact. If you do not donate,
our servers will not exist. It's just that simple.
- Who is the brains behind the whole operation, really?
Myself, Damian. Of course. Most people don't know this, but I'm actually behind the entire genre of MMORPG games.
A few years back I came up with the whole thing. Emulation? my idea. I've got behind-the-scenes ties to pretty much
every development company, emulation teams and most if not all hosting companies. I have access to everything available
on the "internet", and I can rip a phonebook in half with my eyes closed. Yep, you heard it here first folks. Sphere was
just a "Front" for myself and my team, back since 97 or something. I don't remember when we started, because frankly I don't
care. I also came up with the idea for physics and mathematics. If you doubt me, put it in print so I can sue you. As far as
Irth Online goes, I would like to thank other companies such as EA, Wish, Is RunUO a company? them too. Everyone who's ever
put out a game in the past, thank you for your support and content ideas.
- What expansions are you planning for future releases?
With the coming release of Irth Online, we expect the MMORPG market to explode into the mainstream. Thus
we are happy to already announce not one, not two, but an unprecedented fourteen different expansions! A move clearly
unheard of in today's market. More than half of our three employees have already started development on them,
and we hope to see the first expansion, entitled "Weight bugs second coming", released ten days after our initial launch.
It will include such mind blowing game additions and features, I can't possibly list them all here. Such things as
being able to walk around in mid-air, crash other players on screen and scan your hard drive for other installed
games, so you can rip their music right into Irth! Of course if you do so, we will sue you for copyright infringement.
Look for more news on this in the coming weeks!
Gotta love it... I mean this is just purely hilarious!
Disclaimer: The content of this post is in no way fact, it is purely fiction and is meant for comedic value. The content of this post was done without input from Magic Hat Software or Damian himself.
Thanks,
Ryan
