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L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
heres another joke

"Hello, is this the RCMP?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbour, Mike Fitzpatrick! He is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the RCMP officers descended on Mike's house. They searched
the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every
piece of wood, but found no marijuana. They swore at Mike and left. The
next day, the phone rang at Mike's house...
"Hey, Mike! Did the RCMP come to your house?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy."


Tell me if you still need more, hehe
 
L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
In Italy, a man went to a priest and confessed. "Forgive me, Father,"
he said, sobbing. "During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," the priest replied, "that's not a sin."

"But," the man admitted, "I made him pay rent."

"That wasn't very nice," the priest said, "but you put yourself at risk."

"Oh, thank you, Father." the man said. "But I have one more question."

"What is it?"

"Do you think I have to tell him the war is over...?"
 
L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since
she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key
under the mat. Fix the dish­washer, leave the bill on the counter, and
I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog;
he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY
circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he
discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as
she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go
about his business.

The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"


-moral is: Don't talk to parrots, just grab em by surprise and deep fry em.. tastes like chicken i swear
 
L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
The Ways and Means of Man
(From a man's point of view) - dont necessarily agree with all of it, but its funny to read

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down.

Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to
see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Live with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and
NASCAR.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine. Really.

Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good
with your dress?

"Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done--not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like in the larger size Crayola box.
Peach, for example, is a fruit. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.
 
L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
Now life really makes sense.

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life
span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other
forty."

And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by
the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks
past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and
I'll give back the other ten."

So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain
people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty
year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty
years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll
do too, okay?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have
sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty
years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll
take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave
back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty,

"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have
sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the
sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey
tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we
sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

life has now been explained.



Okay, I'll stop for a bit now. Sorry, I get bored sometimes :twisted:
 
L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
It just gave me something to do while being bored. Staring at scripts trying to figure out how this and that works gets a bit mundane after a while. Can only do it so long before needing to stop and relax a bit
 
L

Lifedragn

Wanderer
well, the only problem is the rapid posting stops from getting feedback per post. Those discussions would have something more to read and stretch it out even more. :)
 
Vhaldir

Vhaldir

Sorceror
That's what quoting is for
To reference previous posts without losing track of your current subject ;)
 
L

Lord Sidius

Wanderer
http://www.runuo.com/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=3583 go to this topic and read the article the link takes you to...heheh..verry interesting
 
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