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Delete My Posts!
- Thread starter Arvoreen
- Start date
Thank you Courageous for the shudders and the chuckles
Courageous
Wanderer
Well you have to admit it's a lot more amusing than the narcissistic self-flaggelation that often goes on around here.
Courageous
Wanderer
So one day my wife is working a routine shift.
This old guy comes in. He has a sort of abashed look, and my wife asks him what's bothering him. He of course, "really can't say". This is a magic phrase that begins many episodes of people belonging to the aforementioned group of those who "are learning not to do 'that,' where 'that' is something interesting."
So, my wife coaxes, "you really can't tell me anything I haven't heard before," and adds the additional obligatory confidence builder, "believe me, I've seen everything before."
He still really "doesn't want to say." But you know, he's at the hospital, so this is all a routine. They all eventually say, it's just a matter of how long they elect to draw out their humiliation.
So of course my wife takes him through the standard follow up words. "Don't be embarrassed, tons of people come through here, I've seen it all." Little did she know...
Anyway, so finally the old geezer caves... they all do, you know... and finally confesses:
"Well it's like this," he says with a burning red face, "I was masturbating with a crochet hook," and pauses...
"I don't get it," says my wife, "how can you masturbate with a crochet hook?"
"Well see, I put it... ah... inside," says the geezer. "I've never had a problem before."
??!?!?!?
So my wife pauses and pins her lips firmly shut. This is one of those moments doctors face sometimes, having to pin their lips firmly shut. It's like the straight man on the Jay Lenno show, where, you know, he's about to start cracking up, and trying not to.
"Ah, what problem," ventures my wife.
"See, it just kind of slipped all the way in."
The man had a crochet hook all the way up in his urethra. Yep, all da way in. Made the rounds across the whole hospital. Here's a picture of a crochet hook for your viewing pleasure:
http://www.made-in-china.com/showimages/113/400098661/0/Aluminum_Crochet_Hook.gif
So, for your future reference, if you are thinking of inserting one of the above instruments, you know, "ah.... inside," my advice to you is:
*drum roll*
DONT FUCKING DO THAT.
C//
This old guy comes in. He has a sort of abashed look, and my wife asks him what's bothering him. He of course, "really can't say". This is a magic phrase that begins many episodes of people belonging to the aforementioned group of those who "are learning not to do 'that,' where 'that' is something interesting."
So, my wife coaxes, "you really can't tell me anything I haven't heard before," and adds the additional obligatory confidence builder, "believe me, I've seen everything before."
He still really "doesn't want to say." But you know, he's at the hospital, so this is all a routine. They all eventually say, it's just a matter of how long they elect to draw out their humiliation.
So of course my wife takes him through the standard follow up words. "Don't be embarrassed, tons of people come through here, I've seen it all." Little did she know...
Anyway, so finally the old geezer caves... they all do, you know... and finally confesses:
"Well it's like this," he says with a burning red face, "I was masturbating with a crochet hook," and pauses...
"I don't get it," says my wife, "how can you masturbate with a crochet hook?"
"Well see, I put it... ah... inside," says the geezer. "I've never had a problem before."
??!?!?!?
So my wife pauses and pins her lips firmly shut. This is one of those moments doctors face sometimes, having to pin their lips firmly shut. It's like the straight man on the Jay Lenno show, where, you know, he's about to start cracking up, and trying not to.
"Ah, what problem," ventures my wife.
"See, it just kind of slipped all the way in."
The man had a crochet hook all the way up in his urethra. Yep, all da way in. Made the rounds across the whole hospital. Here's a picture of a crochet hook for your viewing pleasure:
http://www.made-in-china.com/showimages/113/400098661/0/Aluminum_Crochet_Hook.gif
So, for your future reference, if you are thinking of inserting one of the above instruments, you know, "ah.... inside," my advice to you is:
*drum roll*
DONT FUCKING DO THAT.
C//
Courageous
Wanderer
Oh holy hell, WarAngel, please share no more! 